Good Bye

i am making my last blog post to the bored blogger today.

it's been a while since i last had the energy to write here. life has changed. a lot. and i am done with my bored blogging...

i miss writing like i used to here. i miss writing like i used to with pen and paper... whatever. i will likely start another blog eventually. a more purposeful one, where i aim to grow and better myself through my writing.

stay tuned - if you are still out there.


..........................jfk...............................

Can I has my dog back, puweez?

Holy shit, I want my dog back. We weren't done enjoying life together.

All Dogs Go to Heaven, Right?

I should have called out of work today - I knew better - but the responsible employee in me decided that going to work was best, and that I could come home early after I got all my work done.... Boy do I regret that responsible decision. My beautiful dog Hennessey lost her battle with the bleeding tumors while I was at work. 

I could see it in her eyes and quivering body language this morning. She didn't want to move. At. All. I carried her down the stairs and outside into the cool morning air for her to do her morning business. It was her last time. After she peed, she took two steps and immediately laid down in the grass. I didn't have the heart to force her back in the house so I could continue getting ready for work. I thought that if this was her last day, why not let her enjoy some time outside. So I grabbed our longest leash and  tethered her to the wheel of my T-reg. I went back inside. My heart began to sink. Why was I going in to work? Why? 

I texted Mike about her state; her refusal to move, her moaning/crying out. It was worse than the first instance where I had actually set it up to have her put to rest. She wouldn't eat or wag her nub of a tail. Her hind legs would quiver even while laying down. She was in such a sad state. 

Later this morning Mike and I had chatted and agreed to try and get home early to be with her and figure out our course of action. Sadly, it didn't work out that way... Well, Mike did manage to get home early, but it was too late. She was gone. She passed away all alone, laying on a little nest of a dog bed that I made for her to ensure she was comfortable while we were away at work. 

This isn't the first time I've lost a beloved pet. Years ago while living in the William Henry apartments in Malvern, I lost my cat, Cally. I had her for nearly 16 years and boy-o-boy was It an immense struggle of guilt and heart ache I went through after I lost her. Truth be told, this time around isn't much different... Instead of my beautiful, crazy and loyal cat, this time I'm losing Hennessey. A beautiful, loyal and loving dog. She was nearly 11 years old, and it hurts equally as bad now, as it did then. I wish it was easier the second time around, but it's not. 

Rest in peace, Hennessey, Henners, Henny Penny, Woofers... Say hi to all the dogs in heaven, for me. I'll see you when I see you. 

And to close this out; a thought from Mike that he came about on our way to his dad's to bury our pooch... from the movie Marley and Me.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

John Grogan

Norristown Flood Routes

I drive my daughter to daycare and then goes to work, Monday thru Friday...
Here is an example of what that drive generally looks like:

Except when it pours rain for two days, it might look something like this:

April Strikes Again

April is a rough month for many people I know, myself included. April showers bring May flowers, but not before it takes away our loved ones...

This year, we lost Stephen A. Devereux Jr.

One Day at a Time

The dog that was on death row just a couple days ago is still kickin it! It just blows my mind that she was doing so poorly but now is sort of... better...  I love her with all my heart and sort of feel like a bad person that I really was about to take her away from us. Anyway. I don't want to dwell on that right now.

The Chinese herbal medicine that I took home from the vet the day I found out about her prognosis must be working miracles. I see no other explanation for her turn around, except maybe the power of prayer... The name of the herb is yunnan baiyao. And while I'm not going to go in to detail about what exactly it is and what it does, I will give you this, it is often - though not limited to - being used by vets in animals that are going through exactly what Hennessey is experiencing. Hemorrhaging tumors.

With that being said, I'm writing this post today is to share with you an article I stumbled upon while googling the interwebz for information on this supposed miracle herb. The article speaks about, and describes almost exactly, what Hennessey's diagnosis is and the use of this homeopathic drug as a treatment option for it.

You can read the article here:
http://www.charlesloopsdvm.com/articles/hermangiosarcoma

And as sad as it is reading this stuff, there is also some peace of mind knowing that the hail mary treatment (yunnan baiyao) I walked away with that day might actually give my baby more time in this life.

My Dearest Hennessey

(Sigh - Insert long pause)

I guess I’ll write this now…

There have been countless moments these last few days where I wanted to post something about what’s been going on. I have this deep need/urge to reach out, to tell the social interwebz of facebook or wherever/whoever. I just want to get it out… let people know. I haven’t done so yet because I didn’t want to seem overly dramatic or like I was seeking attention and possibly being one of “those” people that just can’t help but air out their life on social media. But the truth is, I need to be that person right now. I can’t hold this in any longer and writing and sharing my thoughts and feelings is sometimes the only way I can help myself feel better. Get it off my chest. Let it go. I need to feel more human and less like a zombie trapped in this dead zone of emotional distress, therefore I need to share this. And yes, with EVERYBODY.

Good Lord, why is April so full of pain and sadness…

A lot has been going on with my dog, my fur baby, my baby girl Hennessey. She is not well and it’s something that’s been coming for the past few months, but over the course of the past three weeks, her health has really taken a dive… my heart aches.

The long and short of it is, Hennessey has a handful of tumors in, around and on her spleen and liver. One or some of the tumors have ruptured and are bleeding in to her torso, which is in turn is making Hennessey very anemic. She is weak and appears unhappy most of the time. This will be the death of her and the vet has no real recommendations for a course of action to help her. It pains me to see her like this....

…Who am I kidding - I can’t just write the long and short…

A few months ago, when this all started, we thought it was just old age setting in. Our Henny-Penny was getting slower and crotchety and she had strangely taken to not listening to us when we would ask her to “go outside” or “lay down” or “to come here”. As far as we could tell, it seemed like it was a natural course of life for an old lady like herself. But then three weeks ago it became something much worse.

I remember the very first time I witnessed it. I didn’t know if she was having a seizure, or what. It was scary. But eventually I realized that was not the case.

The first sign that this was not just old age was when Hennessey began to just fall down; out of nowhere. One second she was fine, the next she would be down. Then she started refusing to go up and down our stairs - to the point where we had to carry her ourselves, and eventually she started to refuse to move at all. She would just lie there. **side note** While all this is going on, I started to notice that her mid section/torso was getting wide and barrel like. Not typical for her. She is generally a slender and fit dog in appearance.

So…………

I took her to our vet. Her initial lab work came back showing the anemia and off the wall levels – of everything over all. That was basically all our vet could tell us, and at that point they recommended that we see and internal medicine specialist.

So, after our initial visit with the specialist, we were advised to get and ultrasound to see what was going on inside our baby. That is where we found out about the tumors and the bleeding. Her situation is indicative of what they normally see in dogs with malignant tumors, and because of the location(s) of the tumors, and how many of them there are, the vet could not recommend any real course of treatment. That is, with the exception of a couple of Chinese herbs that could maybe help slow the bleeding and possibly give us some extra time with our Hennessey. Basically this was going to take our baby away from us, one way or another. I took the drugs and cried my way home that day.

Since, Hennessey has had some ups and downs. She is still slow and weak, we occasionally have to carry her up and down our stairs and she eats very little - mostly dog treats, cheese wrapped Chinese herbs and table scraps.

I shudder thinking about how just recently - seriously, Sunday night in to Monday morning - she seemed so bad. We thought death was just around the corner. So much so, that I had scheduled an appointment for today (April 15^th) with our vet to have her put to sleep.

She was literally on death row.

But some how, some way, she was better when we got home after work yesterday. Now, clearly she wasn’t good, but she was not nearly as sad, immobile and uncomfortable as she was Sunday in to Monday. Therefore, after some sad faces from my husband, some reflections and intentions throughout my yoga class and some more sad faces from my husband, I canceled the appointment. I mean, she even ate and pooped today. I can’t, we can’t take her away from this life yet.

It’s still coming. The tumors are still there and likely still hemorrhaging, but today is not the day.

She is our baby…