i'm a mom?

it's not like i don't know that i have a baby, or that i forget that lill really does exist... but sometimes, in the quietest moments of the day, i really tune in to the fact that i. am. a. mom. whoa! when did that happen?! february 19th at 11:10p.m., duh! but seriously. i'm a parent.

i remember the first days in the hospital, holding our little bean, and the first weeks home with her. my world was flipped upside down and shaken for it's lunch money. i was petrified with all that i had to learn about taking care of a newborn and how life was about to change...life would never be the same. but as the weeks went on, i started to get used to things - sort of - and i could feel a little relief fall over me. it was nice, but short lived, as a new worry was creeping up on me. one day i was going to have to go back to work. how in the world is that supposed to happen. how am i supposed to take care of myself and a baby and go to work on top of all the other daily/weekly/monthly happenings?

**side note** i know it seems that i am leaving mike out of this whole equation. like i did it all by myself. but i'm not. he was there and going through all of this too. and helping me out greatly with everything. i'm simply speaking on my personal feelings, my own struggles and realizations that came from within me. i love my husband and all that he does for us as a family. he's a hard working and caring man and i am eternally grateful that i married him.

fast forward to today, and all is fine. i didn't even notice that things were just moving along as they would. i mean; there have been some adjustments with schedules and timing and whatnot, but overall, things just kept going... seriously. one morning i woke up, stretched out my arms and breathed in real deep and was about to start my usual day when i realized, "hey. i am a mom! how and when did this happen?"

even though i feel like the same person i've always been, i'm not. i'm a version of my former self. i have a new type of life and a new schedule. i have a baby and yet things felt like they almost never changed. weird, because i sort of, kind of, didn't realize it till that moment while drawing in one super, deep and wakeful breath. things just felt normal up until that moment. normal; meaning that things were just the way they always were. but now i'm a mom. i have a baby now.

i went to sleep the night before as usual, and woke up the next day a mom.