Good Bye

i am making my last blog post to the bored blogger today.

it's been a while since i last had the energy to write here. life has changed. a lot. and i am done with my bored blogging...

i miss writing like i used to here. i miss writing like i used to with pen and paper... whatever. i will likely start another blog eventually. a more purposeful one, where i aim to grow and better myself through my writing.

stay tuned - if you are still out there.


..........................jfk...............................

Can I has my dog back, puweez?

Holy shit, I want my dog back. We weren't done enjoying life together.

All Dogs Go to Heaven, Right?

I should have called out of work today - I knew better - but the responsible employee in me decided that going to work was best, and that I could come home early after I got all my work done.... Boy do I regret that responsible decision. My beautiful dog Hennessey lost her battle with the bleeding tumors while I was at work. 

I could see it in her eyes and quivering body language this morning. She didn't want to move. At. All. I carried her down the stairs and outside into the cool morning air for her to do her morning business. It was her last time. After she peed, she took two steps and immediately laid down in the grass. I didn't have the heart to force her back in the house so I could continue getting ready for work. I thought that if this was her last day, why not let her enjoy some time outside. So I grabbed our longest leash and  tethered her to the wheel of my T-reg. I went back inside. My heart began to sink. Why was I going in to work? Why? 

I texted Mike about her state; her refusal to move, her moaning/crying out. It was worse than the first instance where I had actually set it up to have her put to rest. She wouldn't eat or wag her nub of a tail. Her hind legs would quiver even while laying down. She was in such a sad state. 

Later this morning Mike and I had chatted and agreed to try and get home early to be with her and figure out our course of action. Sadly, it didn't work out that way... Well, Mike did manage to get home early, but it was too late. She was gone. She passed away all alone, laying on a little nest of a dog bed that I made for her to ensure she was comfortable while we were away at work. 

This isn't the first time I've lost a beloved pet. Years ago while living in the William Henry apartments in Malvern, I lost my cat, Cally. I had her for nearly 16 years and boy-o-boy was It an immense struggle of guilt and heart ache I went through after I lost her. Truth be told, this time around isn't much different... Instead of my beautiful, crazy and loyal cat, this time I'm losing Hennessey. A beautiful, loyal and loving dog. She was nearly 11 years old, and it hurts equally as bad now, as it did then. I wish it was easier the second time around, but it's not. 

Rest in peace, Hennessey, Henners, Henny Penny, Woofers... Say hi to all the dogs in heaven, for me. I'll see you when I see you. 

And to close this out; a thought from Mike that he came about on our way to his dad's to bury our pooch... from the movie Marley and Me.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

John Grogan

Norristown Flood Routes

I drive my daughter to daycare and then goes to work, Monday thru Friday...
Here is an example of what that drive generally looks like:

Except when it pours rain for two days, it might look something like this:

April Strikes Again

April is a rough month for many people I know, myself included. April showers bring May flowers, but not before it takes away our loved ones...

This year, we lost Stephen A. Devereux Jr.

One Day at a Time

The dog that was on death row just a couple days ago is still kickin it! It just blows my mind that she was doing so poorly but now is sort of... better...  I love her with all my heart and sort of feel like a bad person that I really was about to take her away from us. Anyway. I don't want to dwell on that right now.

The Chinese herbal medicine that I took home from the vet the day I found out about her prognosis must be working miracles. I see no other explanation for her turn around, except maybe the power of prayer... The name of the herb is yunnan baiyao. And while I'm not going to go in to detail about what exactly it is and what it does, I will give you this, it is often - though not limited to - being used by vets in animals that are going through exactly what Hennessey is experiencing. Hemorrhaging tumors.

With that being said, I'm writing this post today is to share with you an article I stumbled upon while googling the interwebz for information on this supposed miracle herb. The article speaks about, and describes almost exactly, what Hennessey's diagnosis is and the use of this homeopathic drug as a treatment option for it.

You can read the article here:
http://www.charlesloopsdvm.com/articles/hermangiosarcoma

And as sad as it is reading this stuff, there is also some peace of mind knowing that the hail mary treatment (yunnan baiyao) I walked away with that day might actually give my baby more time in this life.

My Dearest Hennessey

(Sigh - Insert long pause)

I guess I’ll write this now…

There have been countless moments these last few days where I wanted to post something about what’s been going on. I have this deep need/urge to reach out, to tell the social interwebz of facebook or wherever/whoever. I just want to get it out… let people know. I haven’t done so yet because I didn’t want to seem overly dramatic or like I was seeking attention and possibly being one of “those” people that just can’t help but air out their life on social media. But the truth is, I need to be that person right now. I can’t hold this in any longer and writing and sharing my thoughts and feelings is sometimes the only way I can help myself feel better. Get it off my chest. Let it go. I need to feel more human and less like a zombie trapped in this dead zone of emotional distress, therefore I need to share this. And yes, with EVERYBODY.

Good Lord, why is April so full of pain and sadness…

A lot has been going on with my dog, my fur baby, my baby girl Hennessey. She is not well and it’s something that’s been coming for the past few months, but over the course of the past three weeks, her health has really taken a dive… my heart aches.

The long and short of it is, Hennessey has a handful of tumors in, around and on her spleen and liver. One or some of the tumors have ruptured and are bleeding in to her torso, which is in turn is making Hennessey very anemic. She is weak and appears unhappy most of the time. This will be the death of her and the vet has no real recommendations for a course of action to help her. It pains me to see her like this....

…Who am I kidding - I can’t just write the long and short…

A few months ago, when this all started, we thought it was just old age setting in. Our Henny-Penny was getting slower and crotchety and she had strangely taken to not listening to us when we would ask her to “go outside” or “lay down” or “to come here”. As far as we could tell, it seemed like it was a natural course of life for an old lady like herself. But then three weeks ago it became something much worse.

I remember the very first time I witnessed it. I didn’t know if she was having a seizure, or what. It was scary. But eventually I realized that was not the case.

The first sign that this was not just old age was when Hennessey began to just fall down; out of nowhere. One second she was fine, the next she would be down. Then she started refusing to go up and down our stairs - to the point where we had to carry her ourselves, and eventually she started to refuse to move at all. She would just lie there. **side note** While all this is going on, I started to notice that her mid section/torso was getting wide and barrel like. Not typical for her. She is generally a slender and fit dog in appearance.

So…………

I took her to our vet. Her initial lab work came back showing the anemia and off the wall levels – of everything over all. That was basically all our vet could tell us, and at that point they recommended that we see and internal medicine specialist.

So, after our initial visit with the specialist, we were advised to get and ultrasound to see what was going on inside our baby. That is where we found out about the tumors and the bleeding. Her situation is indicative of what they normally see in dogs with malignant tumors, and because of the location(s) of the tumors, and how many of them there are, the vet could not recommend any real course of treatment. That is, with the exception of a couple of Chinese herbs that could maybe help slow the bleeding and possibly give us some extra time with our Hennessey. Basically this was going to take our baby away from us, one way or another. I took the drugs and cried my way home that day.

Since, Hennessey has had some ups and downs. She is still slow and weak, we occasionally have to carry her up and down our stairs and she eats very little - mostly dog treats, cheese wrapped Chinese herbs and table scraps.

I shudder thinking about how just recently - seriously, Sunday night in to Monday morning - she seemed so bad. We thought death was just around the corner. So much so, that I had scheduled an appointment for today (April 15^th) with our vet to have her put to sleep.

She was literally on death row.

But some how, some way, she was better when we got home after work yesterday. Now, clearly she wasn’t good, but she was not nearly as sad, immobile and uncomfortable as she was Sunday in to Monday. Therefore, after some sad faces from my husband, some reflections and intentions throughout my yoga class and some more sad faces from my husband, I canceled the appointment. I mean, she even ate and pooped today. I can’t, we can’t take her away from this life yet.

It’s still coming. The tumors are still there and likely still hemorrhaging, but today is not the day.

She is our baby…

 

Oops

Must have been last year's...

I don't think I completed this list. 

NY Resolution Quickies

Blog more
Eat less
Workout again
Take vacations
Love my enemies
Find more happiness with less material things

a poem

today. april 18th. what a surreal day for us all. in times like this, i express myself through poems. so yeah. this is for you pat. mom. granny. you will be missed.

Lighthouse

By Jessica F. Krumenacker

A light shines on,

For the oceans deep

And in the heart’s

Our sorrows weep

Dark and forever desolate

The water’s mighty swell

Drifting slowly off and away

Sadness we try and quell

In spirit you are bright

Though your being, she is gone

For minds that cannot settle

Please, do shine on

Bring light to the dark

Make shallow what is deep

Light the path we cannot see

For this night we cannot sleep

Be there comfort in the quiet

While tired eyes drift away

Offer up a hopeful promise

That tomorrow brings a new day

Shine on us tonight

Get us through tomorrow

Give ease to the heart

That carries so much sorrow

You will lead us in the dark

Your beams our saving grace

Be the lighthouse needed

Ensure we sail on safe

............copyright JFK............

the norm

this is what the parking lot to my office building looks like on most fridays...

empty.

empty.

   

empty.

breaks my heart that i cannot contribute to it's emptiness.

..........jfk...........

i live in norristown

my friend shana and i saw this on one of our walks through the neighborhood a while back.

 if you are wondering what you are looking for, look through the dead brush in the foreground... can you see it? it is the 50 foot long, ghetto made slide that goes from someone's backyard to their small above ground pool at the bottom of that sweet hill...

can we say, "safe?" no.

.........jfk........

butter cream?

um. yeah. inappropriate butter cream egg alert.





















that is all.

..........jfk...........

there's a first time for everything

a few things i'd like to lead this post with:

• lillian has been a pooping manic all week. lots of poops every day. big messy, smelly poops.
• because of this recent development, she now has a case of diaper rash.

this morning, i decided to let the little lady run around in the buff since a good "airing out" can do wonders for diaper rash. so, i got her out of the crib, gave her a bottle while i disrobed and took off her diaper. after i cleaned up her bottom, i just let her be for a while in her room.

i know this decision is often followed by consequence. if you let the baby run naked, you will be cleaning up a mess at least 5 out of 10 times. no? then its just me i guess... although, now that i think about it, i tend to let her go this way for lengthy amounts of time after a.) baths and b.) bottles. so i guess i see what i am doing wrong.

anyway. moving on.

after a short amount of time, i heard her babbling and playing around in her room, which meant she was done with her bottle. so, i decided to go in and hang out for a bit and get her dressed for the day.

when i walked in she was squatted down playing with a toy between her crib and toy chest... she looked like she was doing some business, if you know what i mean. so i said to her, "you better not be peeing."

welp, she wasn't peeing.

she was pooping.

yup - right there, on the floor.

i guess there's a first time for everything............

the good in this? it was a no mess turd. it picked up easy and her butt barely needed a wiping. i mean. i wiped her and all. but it appeared to be in vein.

warning!

if you don't find poop funny, or if you gag easily at the sight of poop,  stop now!
 
i'm not kidding! go somewhere else on the interwebz...  but if you enjoy poop, then this is for you!

 

that is, indeed, lillian's turd pile

 ........................jfk........................

no wallet. no money. free coffee

yesterday morning i hit up the dunkin donuts drive thru on my way in to work - i wanted coffee. bad. i wanted coffee so bad, i ordered an extra large. normally i just order a medium.

as i pulled up to the window i was reaching in to my purse to get my wallet. except, there was no wallet. i realized this conundrum before i even had to fish around inside my purse. i knew exactly where it was, too...

[ explanation of where my wallet was ] -------------------------------

the night before, i had gone to the gym. instead of lugging around my purse and my gym bag, i decided to just throw my wallet in my gym bag... gotta have my wallet. i can't do anything outside/away from the house without it. i just cant. and the same goes for my keys and my cell phone. 

yup. whenever i leave the house, whether on foot or driving somewhere, i always try to have my keys, wallet and cell phone. 

so i put my wallet in my gym bag and forgot that it was in there basically. and when i left the next morning for work, i left my wallet behind.

[ end explanation ] ------------------------------------------------------ 

when i arrived at the teller's window, i just apologized and said that i didn't have my wallet. i was expecting to just pull away with no coffee. but after i said i didn't have my wallet the teller turned around to his manager, who happened to be standing right there. he was looking for his manager to tell him what to do. 

i found this weird.

i was expecting to just drive away with no coffee and that they would just re-purpose my coffee for another sale - it's not like i had slurped my cooties all over it. perhaps they would just chuck it out and take the loss. whatever they decided to do was their business. i didn't have my wallet.

but the manager surprised me and the teller by saying it was on him. wha? on you? you mean, free? saweet! his only stipulation was that i come back the next day and purchase something. like a coffee - you know - with my own money, out of my wallet that should have been in my purse.

what a nice guy. made me smile for a bit... then i got to work. 

dang.

......................jfk......................

5 years

[barf]

i've been bored for 5 years...

wait. let me clarify what i mean by that. i've been at my current job for 5 years.

great. i mean [barf]

bored once again

i'm back to being wicked bored at work again. it comes and goes like the soothing rhythm of the ocean's waves... well. not really, but i wanted to say something ridiculous. boom!

in my boredom, i briefly wondered if the boss-man would notice me missing if i just sat in the lobby or the ladies' bathroom all day. would he wonder where i was? (hmph)

i could play on my phone to keep me occupied. i mean. i'm on my computer all day trying to keep occupied while i'm at my desk, currently bored. but boss-man is always lurking and pacing and walking by. i would be much more relaxed in the lobby or ladies' room.

just sayin.

................................jfk.............................

giveaway alert

attention blog readers! 

i will be doing a giveaway in the next couple of weeks. it's going to be for really neat scrapbooking software.

how fun is that?! this is something new for me - doing a giveaway. it's giving me and you, as my readers, a great chance to win a neat-o piece of software - for free. no sweat off anyone's back!

stay tuned to my blog and facebook page to see when it starts. sit tight till then and when it starts, be sure to enter it!

..................jfk....................

i'll cut you...

i was paging through a parents magazine and stumbled across an article (below)...



now, i know about the whole happiest baby on the block craze. but to say that colic is a myth is wack!

mike and i found ourselves in a tough spot, three weeks in to our new lives as parents. lillian just screamed and cried for hours, days, weeks. she just cried. i was petrified of the moments she would wake from her sleeps, because i knew it meant she would cry. a lot. mike and i talked to many people, friends and doctors about it. we tried a lot of stuff.

• car rides 
• white noises 
• rocking 
• swinging 
• nursing more 
• gripe water 
• probiotics 

including the whole 5 s's thing from the happiest baby on the block. yeah. we tried that method. desperately, we tried that method. shit didn't work. at least not the way we needed it to. not the way it promised it would/could... hell... nothing worked. we tried everything everyone recommended. you name it and we tried it.

the only thing that came close to soothing our wailing baby was when i held her close and bounced on an exercise ball. god bless that exercise ball! i spent many hours during the day, night and wee early morning on that thing... bouncing up and down, left and right. just bouncing. bouncing. bouncing.

now, i understand that many new parents wrongly say their child has colic when they truly are just a "fussy" baby. it's hard to make the adjustment as a new parent into the world of soothing an upset baby. but, if you tell me colic is a myth and doesn't exist i will cut you! it flipping exists... 

and if you don't think it does then i'll show you the 5 s's...
slice [your tires]
slap [you in the face]
slit [your throat]
shoot [you] and
shove [what's left of you in a dark hole where no one will find your remains]

anywho... as i was working through my pile of magazines that i subscribe to but never get around to reading, i got to the next issue of parents. this is what i read (below) in the section where readers write in about the previous issue's content. apparently i wasn't the only one shaking my head over the mythical colic article. just more proof that colic is real.



conversely, if you keep reading you'll see that the next person that wrote in merely had a "fussy" baby and wanted to send  her thanks for the article... she only had a fussy baby though which makes for a good match for the 5 s's method. good for her.

in summary
i don't know everything but i do know this much, babies shouldn't cry all day for no real reason without being able to be soothed. and not all crying babies are colicky, but to say it doesn't exist is wack!

..........jfk...........

magazine love

i love magazines. i occasionally buy them off the shelf here and there and keep them around the house to flip through. it's nice. when i'm feeling frisky, i might actually subscribe to one. that shiz delivered right to my door. 

problem is, this is what happens... a huge pile of unread magazines, still in the plastic. oops!

 

seems i can't get around to reading them fast enough. or at all. last night i spent some time on the couch quickly paging through this pile. well, not the whole pile. but i got through about half. then i went to my friend's house to drink wine.

............jfk............