to be baptized, or not to be baptized...

that is a real question i am rolling around in my head. it's sort of a big deal and sort of not a big deal.

it all started when my sister in law asked me to be her daughter's god mother. of course i said, "yes," and we continued to talk for a bit. she told me about how both her and my other sister in law had finally decided to get their little girls baptized and about how this came to be and all the other details. now, i don't know how this stuff works. i asked her if i, myself as the newly appointed god mother, needed to have been baptised and/or belong to a church in order to accept this responsibility and privilege. She responded that the lady doing the baptism would probably really like me to be, but that it doesn't have to be that way.

it was then, with just a moments time, i flashed back to when i was a young kid. it was the day i learned that i had a baptism gown. or rather, i had what was meant to be my baptism gown. you see, i was never baptized. i know that my parents had intended on getting me baptized. the gown, that was identified to me as my baptism gown, was evidence of that. i don't know what circumstances came to pass that prevented my parents from actually getting me baptized, but it never happened. and then one day, my parents gave away my pretty little white gown to someone else who was about to get their little baby baptized. i remember being kind of upset when i found out all of this. i certainly didn't know the difference between being baptized and not being baptized. but i was a young kid and i was upset. kids don't always have good reasons for their actions, emotions or feelings. we all know that. anyway... so bye-bye gown and hello god mother in just a moments time.

that flashback stirred up some emotions and feelings... the same ones i had when i found out about my baptism or lack thereof. so i asked my sister in law, if by chance i wanted to, would i be able to get baptized at the same time as the nieces? she said that if i gave her enough notice, that they could probably get me in there with the rest of 'em. how neat-o would it be to accept being a god mother and get baptized at the same time as my sweet little nieces. seems like a special moment to share, don't you think?

i am not really sure... I'm not sure if this is what i want because i want to find my faith or if this is just some fantasy that i want to fulfill because of some emotions and feelings i had as a kid. i really don't know. all i know is i kind of, sort of, want this.

........................jfk...............................