good-bye, my love.

this weekend, i sell the skate... for those of you that don't know what the skate is, it is my vw golf. i love that car. there hasn't been a day where i didn't feel love and affection for that zippy little automobile. and i'm about to let 'er go to someone else. it's gonna be a sad day.

that car, was in fact, my dream car. i know! seems strange. like, i didn't know how to shoot for the stars... or set my expections, my hopes, or my dreams a little higher. i guess i'm a simple person when it comes to a lot of things. and if you know me, you know that i don't ask for much when it comes to material things - like cars. i just want to be happy. and that golf made me happy.

------------a little bit of history----------------
my first car was a 1988 vw fox. it was a fun little piece of metal on wheels. i beat that thing to death. i remember the day i bought it... i was terrified. i was buying a manual transmission car and i didn't know the first thing about driving a manual transmission car. i must not have been terrified enough, because i bought it. really, the only requirement i had at that point was it being a vw. as soon as i saw that vw, i wanted it. so i paid $1,200 of my hard earned cash for it.

learning how to drive it was horrible. i was right by being terrified the day i bought it. my dad was never home to help and my mom made me cry several times before relinquishing her teaching duties to my pop-pop, who sort of creeped me out. so, one day i decided to do it on my own. it was going to be me and the fox, out on the back roads of sadsburry township alone. the way i saw it, i had received enough verbal coaching from others and it was time to just take what they said and do it myself. without any more tears being shed, i learned how to drive my car. it's funny how, after being the owner of a vw, i started to notice them more on the roads. they were cool cars... i had decided that i never wanted another car that wasn't a vw, and i guess eventually i had made it a goal of mine to own a golf. i must have seen one on the road one day and i said to myself, "that is the car for me."

eventually it was time for a second car. the fox had seen better days and died during my first year of college. working with an extremely tight budget and no time to actually shop around, i bought what i could at the lot that we went to that day. thank you brian hoskins ford for the worst piece of sh*t i have ever owned up to this point in my life. the chevy cavalier. it died on me before i had finished paying it off. so, it was time to shop for another, and this time i didn't want to hastily buy another car. no more pieces of crap! i need to get a good car and it needed to be something i actually wanted. to allow me time to shop, i bunked with a co-worker. this allowed me to still get to work even though i had no car. while at work, i searched online for cars and when i found one i was interested in i would have my brother take me to look at it.

so, after about a week or two i found a car. it was a 2002, 5-speed, 4-door piece of heaven. she was glorious. some time passes and one day i decided to name her. i just couldn't keep calling her "the car" or "the vw" or " the golf". i loved her so much that i felt she deserved a name of her own. so, i went ahead and came up with a few names and eventually "the skate" stuck. she was like a little roller skate - zipping around the road pulling sweet sweet roller rink tricks. ah, the skate.
------------history lesson over----------------

here we are, present day. as of this past december, the skate has been paid off, and i enjoy the true feeling of owner ship. but alas. after a few various conversations, and completely valid reasons later, my husband said to me that it is time to get a "big girl car". he was right. so we looked and sort of shopped online. there were some bumps in the road about what to get and what made sense. but eventually we found something nice that we both liked and enjoyed... a vw touareg. and since there is no reason for me to own two cars, this saturday i sell the skate. i miss her already.

good-bye, my love.

.................jfk...............

breaking news!

it has been decided for me... i will be baptized on august 14th, 2011.

i suppose i could say "no," and make this decision when i feel i have made up my own mind. but in order to accept the honor of being my neice's god mother, i must be baptized. therefore, on august 14th 2011, before alexa gets baptized, i will be baptized at the age of 30. seems crazy.

i don't have any reason to not want this. so, it is what it is. and truthfully, i have been teetering on this fence of faith as it is. trying to ask questions of myself, and of others around me, what it is to believe. i want to believe in something. what exactly? i am not 100% sure. so i ask questions that might just touch the subjects of christian faith and spirituality itself. i have a lot to learn and a lot decide on my own about what is best for me. for now though, perhaps this was one decision that was made for me for a reason...

remember... i do believe.

...................jfk..................

i hate the chase

i work full time as a graphic designer and i happen to do freelance work on the side. sometimes i find myself extremely busy with freelance and sometimes i don't have much going on.

"why are you telling me all this?" well... i really dislike chasing down new clients and their projects. it's like a doggone rat race. and sometimes, i'm the only rat in the race! even though i truly do try to scrap up all the freelance i can get, the big thing here is i do have a full time job. so i don't feel the need to chase down work from new clients that are being wishy-washy or not giving me the truth about what they want or don't know what they want and don't want to admit it or are just shopping around for a designer. seriously - who does that? you know what else i don't have time for? when new clients fail to mention that i am competing with another designer. generally i try not to get involved in "bidding" on work. i would rather you be upfront with me and just tell me if that is the case. that way i can withdraw my talents. there may come a time when i "bid" on work, but that is not now. so, good bye.

my feelings are that you either need work done or you don't. if you happen to be one that needs work done and you come to me asking for help i will gladly give you my opinion, show you samples that demonstrate my capabilities and quote you for the work you need done. then we go from there. this usually works out nicely, leaving both the client and designer happy. but lately, it's hard to tell the difference between the ones that need work from the ones that don't. and it seems that i am dishing out a lot of opinions, doing a lot of driving to meet new clients, emailing samples, sending quotes and throwing together big proposals... all for nothing. many of these new clients seem to disappear after that initial contact. as if they suddenly realized that this wasn't what they wanted. it's hard, and a lot of what i do before i actually land a new client and job requires quite a bit of work on my part. i don't even charge for any of it. though now i'm starting to think that i should.

this rant was brought on by the fact that i am in the middle of communicating with one of these new clients right now. they asked about having their newsletter sent out as an email blast. i said i could probably help. then proceeded to ask some questions and do research on email blasts. these questions and my research would help me gain a better understanding of what they actually need and what i would be getting in to... i cannot just say that i will do it. first, i need to know what it is they actually want me to do. in detail. details are oh-so important. so, after a long series of questions, and quite a few hours of research later, the client finally admits that they are looking for someone to do their web design - not a newsletter email blast!? why didn't they just ask for that from the beginning? i could have saved a lot of questions and wasted time trying to dig in to my own knowledge base to decided weather or not i could help with this newsletter email blast thing.

perhaps this person really didn't know what they wanted. maybe they were trying to beat around the bush and feel me out to see if i could replace the current person who does their newsletter. maybe even be their web designer as well. i really don't know. whatever the case, i responded that i can help with their web design and they seemed happy. me - not so much, because i have no idea what is really going to happen from here. i do know i still have questions. questions about what it is they actually want me to do. but for now i pray that this one doesn't just disappear. i'm not going to hold my breath or anything. but i do hope that this new client and i can forge a good client/designer relationship.

(sigh) i feel guilty being so pessimistic towards the aforementioned, but obviously this isn't the first time i've run in to a sticky new client situation. each time a situation starts out less than ideal, these feelings start to arise. it is a direct effect of past instances, where i've had a new client approach me about a job and then after some questions they either disappear or i find out that they are looking for something else... all after i've put out a considerable amount of effort. for free.

sometimes i get the feeling that some of these new clients just want me to simply say, "yes." what then? am i supposed to fumble my way around. perhaps never getting any real work or pay? yeah right! like i said. good bye. i have a job. this freelance stuff is just for fun - sort of.

....................jfk.......................

did you see that?

i saw something interesting on my way home for camping this weekend. driving along the pennsylvania turnpike i saw this billboard. here is how my thought process went as i read it:

first part read, "welcome to pennsylvania..." at that point i was slightly confused. we never left pennsylvania this weekend, so there was no need for being welcomed to. i briefly wondered why would it say this? never-the-less, i continued to read the rest of the billboard before we passed it. "our puppy mills are a national disgrace." after reading the entire billboard, there was moment where i had no thoughts and i vaguely recalled a picture of a child griping up a puppy in the center of it all.. my mind was 100% blank and i looked at mike, and in a split second, it all clicked. "whoa! did you see that billboard?" i asked him. "yeah," he responds with no emotion.

i guess i was shocked. i know our state is know for its disgusting puppy mills - who doesn't? but it wasn't necessarily the message on the billboard that shocked me. i think it was more the billboard itself, that got me. i have never seen a billboard used to gain attention or awareness for something like that. something so negative. billboards, in my mind, are mostly used to advertise car dealerships, stores, shopping districts, hotels, rest stops, hospitals, medical practices, bible passages ect. but to call attention to such a miserable truth... this was something new to me. puppy mills are shameful and we are the worst state on the east coast when it comes to this disgrace. i kind of like it.

this billboard reminded me of an article i read not too long ago... it was about a man who rented a billboard to call out his baby momma for having an abortion, even though she said that she didn't have one and he actually had nothing to go off of that would say otherwise... it's sort of a he-said she-said thing thing.

**if you want more details about the abortion billboard go here - http://abcnews.go.com/US/abortion-billboard-lands-mexico-man-court-girlfriend/story?id=13783668

the guy in that article was completely out of his mind and way out of line. his use of a billboard was rather tasteless. billboards should not be used for things like that. but the puppy mill billboard is for a good cause and i like it. i feel like there is a new use for billboards growing here... they are not just for drumming up business and sales anymore... if you have money and want to raise awareness, get yourself a billboard!

..............jfk..............

pain don't hurt, unless it hurts a lot

so this past weekend was fun. 6 of us trekked out to tuscaora state forest and got our camp on. it was great - at least what i might define as great. camping is not for everyone - especially the kind we did this past weekend. i love me some dirty ol', no toilets, no running water camping.

it didn't start out all that well though... here is how it went down. i left work at 3 to go home. now initially, we were supposed to have our car packed and ready to go so that way by the time I got home we could just leave (around 3:30). but a few aggravating events took place earlier in the day. and as luck would have it, we would end up having to pick up our car from uhaul after i got home and then go home and then pack 'er up and leave. we ended up hitting the round around 4:30ish - and hour late.

after a long, almost 3 hour, drive with spotty sun, some pouring rain and accident backup traffic, we finally get to our designated campsite around 7:30ish. only to discover that our campsite was a huge mountainous hill with rocks and trees everywhere. there were no places to actually set up camp. well. maybe there were two spots that appeared less sloped... but they were still riddled with rocks or trees and debris. we couldn't figure out how this spot ever came to be an actual permissible campsite. reluctantly, as the first to arrive, we started to set up our tent.

unbeknownst to mike and i, our friends, beth and benny, had already arrived earlier and discovered this very same debacle and had decided to go on a reconnaissance mission to see what else was around. so, shortly after mike and i arrived, and right as we were getting ready to pop the tent, they came back from their mission! "don't set anything up!" beth yelled from the bottom of the rocky hillside. she proceeded to tell us their findings and their ideas. there were two other, much more viable, sites close by and they wanted to contact the forester's office to see about doing a little switch-a-roo.

beth and benny drove off to find cell service.

as mike and i eagerly await some better news, beth and benny return. "the office is closed..." beth said. the four of us talked a little and agreed that we had three options:

1. stay at our designated mound of rocks and trees
   
2. bogart campsite 96 in hopes that no one else has a permit out on it for the weekend
   
3. sneakily camp down the road at an non-designated campsite that is super awesome and it is also very apparent that people have camped there before

okay okay - long story short - we went and checked out the non-designated site first. it rocked so much we couldn't not take the risk of getting booted. so we camped there. it was just a little off the road, had plenty of flat places for tents and stuff and it was right by a nice babbling creek. lori and ben eventually showed up and we had a fun night talking, drinking and eating smores around the fire. here are some other events that took place:

• benny did some fly fishing.
• the dogs tweaked out at things in the dark of the night.
• people peed and pooed in the woods.
• forest ranger came by and asked to see our permit. chatted with beth and benny a little then eventually modified our permit so that way we were were legally camping at that site.
  
• there was a 5-star steak dinner.
• we used the creek to chill beer.
• standing trees (that were dead) got pushed down by manly men.
  
• lori and i hiked up a huge steep hill turning over rocks looking for salamanders - we found one. poor thing lost its tail as i turned over the rock. broke my heart knowing it was my fault. sorry salamander :-(
  
• i messed up my back - bad enough i took percocet on sunday to easy my discomfort. not something i do often, but it hurts to move.
  

this post is titled after that last bullet. i'm in a lot of pain. i don't usually whine much when i am hurt or experiencing some discomfort. but there's always a first, and i have found my first. i don't know what happened, but my back has been sort of bothering me for over week now. no big deal - i didn't think much of it. but, whatever i did over the weekend - perhaps turning over big rocks while climbing a super steep hill - must have made it worse. i can't do much that doesn't cause this pinching pain to shoot down my lower back through my left butt cheek!

i'm sure i sound like and old person talking about back pain. i am 30. whatever that means. i suppose some young chippies might consider me old, while others might consider me young.

....................jfk.......................

i believe

today i feel a lot of belief... in a lot of things. let's take a look at some of the things i believe in.

• i believe that there is a higher power.
• i believe that when we die there is more. it doesn't just end there.
• i believe that when you love someone, you always try to see the good in them. no matter what.
• i believe that, in some form of faith, you reap what you sow, you get what you deserve, karma is real but none are immediate. because...
• i believe that it takes time.
  
• i believe in aliens. which means i believe that there is life on other planets... intelligent life, at that.
  
• i believe in ghosts and spirits and that i have experienced them.
• i believe that some women really didn't know they were pregnant until they gave birth.
• i believe that what doesn't kill you surely makes you stronger.
• i believe that a hard life can be a good life.
• i believe that no matter how bad your day might be, someone else probably has it worse. so have your moment and move on.
• i believe that you cannot change others. they have to change themselves. you just need to be supportive.
  
• i believe that i am going to live to be very old - close to 100 years in fact.
  
• i believe that many stereotypes are created out of some truth. i said it.
• i believe that telling the truth, no matter how much it hurts, is the right thing to give someone... maybe you could soften it a little. you know. you don't have to be an ass about it.
• i believe my intuition is strong.

I guess that is enough beliefs.

....................jfk......................

oops. i did it again!

yep. i missed another day of blogging. what can i say - i've had work to do. today - not so much. i just wrapped up some revisions to a project that came in yesterday and i anticipate twiddling my thumbs again for the better part of the day. oh well.

what should i blog about today? i know!

at my office, our dress code is business-casual monday thru thursday with friday being dress down day. that means that on fridays we get to wear jeans and sneakers - or basically whatever we want that is not business casual as long as it is within reason. ok. now, in addition to fridays, there is another part of this policy that states if the weather is exceptionally poor we can dress down and wear jeans and sneakers, even if it is not friday. this is interesting... let me explain a little more. there are two real instances of exceptionally poor weather that qualify for non-friday dress down days. one would be during the winter months. if it snows/is snowing and the roads are still passable enough to get to work but are all mucked up with salt and slush/ice, we get to dress down. the second is, if it is 90° or more outside. this second one bewildered me a little. when it's 90°+ out, one of the last articles of clothing i want to wear is jeans! does anyone know why? it's because they are jeans! plain and simple. i think part of the reasoning for this is that the boss-man just wants us to be as comfortable as possible in the heat. i get that. i can also appreciate that. thank you, boss-man. and i do suppose that some people probably find jeans more comfortable than their work clothes.... but to me, denim is way less breathable, not to mention more constrictive, than my easy-breezy cotton business-casual slacks. and when it's hot out, you will more than likely see me in a dress. you know. something that lets the air get to as many places on my body as possible while still covering the parts that shouldn't be exposed. therefore, when it's 90°+ out, you will not find me at the office in jeans.

but wait. there is now a new twist in this policy. in light of recent events (refrigerator like temperatures in the office) there is a whole new reason to be able to dress down at work on days that do not start with fri and end with day... it would be the refrigerator like temperatures in the office. i found this funny and coincidental. you see, there is really no difference if you dress down because its 90°+ outside or if you dress down because it's frigid in the office. the two go hand in hand. if it is hot outside, it is freezing in the office... so, for the very opposite reason of staying cool and comfortable during the exceptionally poor [hot] weather outside, you can also dress down to stay warm and toasty on the chilly willy inside... wearing jeans.

oh. as a side note. i really, kind of, sort of, just don't enjoy wearing jeans in general. i find that no matter how relaxed or loose fitting they may be, i am still uncomfortably constricted in them. below is an image that represents how i feel when i am putting my jeans on... it might actually represent what i actually look like, too... nah - i think my thighs might be thicker.


:-/

................jfk...................

i'm the ruler of the nose trick...

no. they are not in my nose. well sort of. but not on purpose like lori's last photo in my last post.


this one is better. i just rule.

................jfk.....................

oh no

i missed a day of blogging at the office - oops!

all because, somehow i managed to have a bit of work to do yesterday - even today i had some work to do. imagine that - working, at work. it's amazing - i know. i also managed to stretch it out over a lengthy period of time. not for any real reason other than wanting to appear busy. although, part of the truth is that i was also compiling an email for this weekend's plans... i did a little bit of work and then a lot of thinking and typing. a little bit more work and i guess i also did some online chatting too :-/ doh! but don't worry. even though it took me the better part of the day to actually complete my assigned task, i only billed for what it really should have taken me to finish. i try to be morally right even when i'm doing something sort of wrong.

so, this weekend's plans - big fun in store! a few of my favorite friends, some dogs and myself are going camping. like, for real - no toilets. no wash rooms. no nothing - camping. we are headed up to Tuscaora State Forest with our dogs, ourselves, good eats, sweet treats, entertaining games and fun.... oh, and booze. it will be interesting to say the least.

when is the last time you were somewhere with no toilets! ahhhhh stinky butts!

anyway... since i've finished my task here at work i'm kind of bored again, and that sucks. fortunately i am not the only one. lori is bored too, and for a couple of minutes, has been occupying herself by trying to hold a pencil/pen between her upper lip and her nose. see example photo below.

------------------ example photo --------------------

------------------ example photo --------------------

here are some photos of what what happens when lori tries to do this pencil/pen trick. be ready to be entertained.


this is how she starts out = good.


then this happens.


we lost the pen.


yep. it's definitely gone.


oh wait. yes. i think she had this one... sort of.


oh dear. we've lost hope... look at this mess.


ew. remind me not to borrow any of her pens.

......................jfk.....................

to be baptized, or not to be baptized...

that is a real question i am rolling around in my head. it's sort of a big deal and sort of not a big deal.

it all started when my sister in law asked me to be her daughter's god mother. of course i said, "yes," and we continued to talk for a bit. she told me about how both her and my other sister in law had finally decided to get their little girls baptized and about how this came to be and all the other details. now, i don't know how this stuff works. i asked her if i, myself as the newly appointed god mother, needed to have been baptised and/or belong to a church in order to accept this responsibility and privilege. She responded that the lady doing the baptism would probably really like me to be, but that it doesn't have to be that way.

it was then, with just a moments time, i flashed back to when i was a young kid. it was the day i learned that i had a baptism gown. or rather, i had what was meant to be my baptism gown. you see, i was never baptized. i know that my parents had intended on getting me baptized. the gown, that was identified to me as my baptism gown, was evidence of that. i don't know what circumstances came to pass that prevented my parents from actually getting me baptized, but it never happened. and then one day, my parents gave away my pretty little white gown to someone else who was about to get their little baby baptized. i remember being kind of upset when i found out all of this. i certainly didn't know the difference between being baptized and not being baptized. but i was a young kid and i was upset. kids don't always have good reasons for their actions, emotions or feelings. we all know that. anyway... so bye-bye gown and hello god mother in just a moments time.

that flashback stirred up some emotions and feelings... the same ones i had when i found out about my baptism or lack thereof. so i asked my sister in law, if by chance i wanted to, would i be able to get baptized at the same time as the nieces? she said that if i gave her enough notice, that they could probably get me in there with the rest of 'em. how neat-o would it be to accept being a god mother and get baptized at the same time as my sweet little nieces. seems like a special moment to share, don't you think?

i am not really sure... I'm not sure if this is what i want because i want to find my faith or if this is just some fantasy that i want to fulfill because of some emotions and feelings i had as a kid. i really don't know. all i know is i kind of, sort of, want this.

........................jfk...............................

warm & toasty

by today's post title, you might think that i am warm & toasty, or that the office might actually be warm & toasty as opposed to cold, like it usually is... or any number of things that come to mind when you read "warm & toasty".

i'm laughing to myself because i know what i mean by warm & toasty... i am referring to an object here at work. it is called the warm & toasty. here are some pictures:




this precious item is what we have instead of a traditional microwave - and consequently what we have when a certain someone decided that having a toaster in the office was too much of a hassle and a mess. it looks like a microwave, but it serves a dual purpose! it not only warms food, but it also toasts food... you know... like what a toaster(oven) does. or in this case, not anything like what a toaster(oven) does... the best attribute that this thing has is that it is moderately successful at warming foods. yes, i said moderately. the warm & toasty takes almost twice as long to heat things up as a normal microwave. basically, it is about as weak as my upper body strength. but it is all we have. and it gets the job done. it just takes longer. big deal.

let's talk about the "toasting" feature it apparently offers. back in the day, a girl named erin used to work here. one day she decided to try this "toasting" feature. the result? well, you know when you leave bread out, unwrapped, for a little and it gets stale? that was the result. they should call it a warm & stale. that trial and error session will never be forgotten - we all laughed at what a joke the warm & toasty is.

you would think that, since this thing doesn't work, that certain someone would maybe consider bringing back the toaster. eh - nope. i know this because one day, after walking through the halls of our building and smelling the aromatic scent of something being toasted in another suite, i asked him, "do you think it would be okay if i brought in a toaster? i'd really like to be able to make toast every now and then..." his response, "well. we have that thing in the kitchen... it... you know it's supposed to be a toaster over too. not just a microwave." i explained to him the day erin tested out the "toasting" feature and how it didn't work - at all. and he just sort of got up and walked away with a bewildered look on his face. like it couldn't be possible that the warm & toasty that he bought in some moment of his own grandeur was a piece of junk.

oh well. i will just have to settle for smelling other suite's toasty delights.

.................jfk...................

what's all the fuss about

i want to just list some things that bother me.

• white text on black backgrounds on screen. let me be clear, i am not talking about a few white words on black, i am talking about text heavy instances - to be specific about what spurred this bother, blogs with white text on black backgrounds. if you have a blog and it is white text on a black background, it bothers me. i'm just saying. trying to read it makes my eyes crossed and my brain hurt. and it takes a good minute for my eyes to regain their normality. like i said - text heavy white text on black is the issue. a few words, like a header image or a logo or what-not is fine.
  
  -------------examples-----------------------
  
  
  
  i follow two blogs like this and i so badly want to read them - they are good blogs - but i cannot finish many of the posts because my eyes are jiggling around in my sockets and going all crossed. so, it bothers me. and let's also remember that this is just my opinion. i am sure there are people of which this does not bother.
  
• when people interrupt conversations. if it is not an emergency, wait for an appropriate time to say what you need to say or interject.
  
• when people need to be the center of attention. so much so that they a. interrupt conversations b. find ways to turn that all conversations about themselves (especially after they've just interrupted c. try to find ways to make their opinion, your opinion... and the list goes on!
  
• similar to that last two, the "one upper".
  
• when people are too lazy to return their shopping cart to an appropriate place - not a grassy knoll or a curb or just right there, behind their vehicle and then pull away as if they did nothing wrong.
• hypocrites - in general.
• when people just cannot seem to chew with their mouth shut. seriously. why is it so hard for you?!?
• when people don't say "excuse me" after they burp or fart or do something that is just gross/borderline rude. i burp and fart. yes. i do. and every time i say, "excuse me." even if it's more of a funny thing/situation and everyone laughs... i still say it!
• when people just linger around - not saying anything or doing anything - just lingering. if you have nothing to do or say, keep moving along.
• when people drive below the speed limit.
• people that talk to loud on the phone. i don't really need to know your business. i also do not need to know that the repair guy that comcast sent over had a foreign accent. so much so that you deemed him incompetent at speaking the english language and even doing his job. i didn't need to know all that. thanks. talk a little quieter when you are at work in an open office environment.
• when people wear horribly stained clothes to their "professional" job.
  
• when people expose their midriff at work. especially when it is huge.
• when people can't follow directions. even the simplest ones.
• when people litter. i thought that was a thing of the past.

ok. that's enough for now. i'm all bothered out.

..................jfk.......................

i have an addiction

yes. an addiction. "to what?" you might ask. well. a few thing, but today we are going to talk about how i am addicted to checking and reading peoples' blogs - even my own now.

initially started following peoples' blogs out of boredom, not addiction. when i would have nothing to do here at work, i would check to see if anyone had anything new that they posted about on their blog. something i could read about. **side note. if you didn't already know, blogs offer a good way to pass the time, just like online news sites. the content is always, in some manner, informative and always changing and/or updating with something new from the last time i probably visited. the only difference between peoples' blogs and the news sites is that the news sites are usually depressing - full of murder, crime, natural disasters, crooked politicians etc...and the blogs are more light-hearted and entertaining to read.** but now, i can't stop. even if i am not 100% bored, i'm checking blogs. it's a problem. i am addicted to what people are up to and what they have to say and how they might be feeling, and it got worse. i decided to start a blog - as if people really care about my ramblings. whatever the case, if people don't care then they shouldn't be reading this blog. am i right?

i know in my first post i kind of explained why i started this blog - it is a way to spend/pass/kill down time at work. but there was a little more to it than that. my addiction to reading the blogs was so strong, that the authors of the blogs i was following, in my neediness to be entertained and occupied, weren't posting enough. i wanted something from them every day and it just wasn't happening and the news sites are too too toooooo depressing to rely on. so i started blogging. thus, spending/passing/killing down time at work in a new way. and thus, feeding in to my addiction.

oh the shame. if you are interested, here are the ways i kill down time at work:

- archive closed and billed projects
- back up work for current projects to the server
- organize my "active jobs"
- see if anyone else needs help
- try to "look" busy with work
- check/write email
- balance my checkbook
- check on:

• the blogs i follow for updates
  
• cnn.com if i want to be depressed
  
• thefrisky.com for silliness
  
• peopleofwalmart.com to feel astonished
  
• facebook.com to see whats going on
  
• my own blog's stats
  

- write my own blog posts
- google things i want(ed) to know about
- talk with my office spouse, thore
- text my husband to see if he misses me
- write lists of what i need to "do" or "buy"
- stare at my screen

that covers most of the ways. good day to you.

.................jfk...................

without further ado...

my rap song - for my fans. (chuckle)

-------------i'm just so---------------

so chillin’
i’m illin’
for a monkey at work in a chair with no arms
just killin’ - talent

so freezin’
i’m sneezin’
like a fetus with no womb i got a beat blue blanket
just glazin’ - over

so swilin’
i’m downin’
an extra large extra bitter hot fuckin’ coffee
just hatin’ - you

so fakin’
i’m skatin’
with a smile for a mile that ain’t real
just frownin’ - down

so stressin’
i’m messin’
up my mind everyday and she’s crazy
just runnin’ - away

so starvin’
i’m sittin’
like a beast roaring in the night of my life
just lickin’ - bones

so crestin’
i’m checkin’
my rhymes at the door you want more of my flow
just spinnin’ - hate

so flippin’
i’m spittin’
on your fat ol’ head in a circle of acid free glue
just watchin’ - space

so cheatin’
i’m sinkin’
in my seat like bird on a wire with a target on its back
just freakin’ - out

so testin’
i’m thinkin’
it don’t matter like a beat when the ding dongs
just bidin’ - time

© j.d.rizzle

crap-tastic

real quick. i have been annoying myself with one aspect of this posting business. here's the deal. i write these posts. then i publish them. then i go to read them over after publishing them and i see things i want to change. so, i edit and publish again. then i see more things i want to change. so i edit and publish again. and again. and again.

and there is why i'm annoying myself. for some reason - whatever it is - i don't see these things i want to change until after its been published. silly me.

....................jfk.......................

and the beat goes on

i feel like i could vomit my face off. i blame a lot of my nausea on stress now-a-days. but that aside - by a show of hands, who here has ever begrudgingly had to celebrate a birthday for someone they did/do not like?

[oo oo. me. right here (raising hand). i have.]

it is the worst. we just got done "celebrating" one of those birthdays here at work, in our dingy little eating area. we fondly refer to this area as the "kitchen". it, by no means, is a kitchen. it's not even close enough to be considered a kitchenette in my opinion. i would love to talk about that one of these day - for now - the good and the bad about today so far:

------------------- good ------------------

• currently, on the radio, hallelujah is playing. the version by jeff buckley. i have an extremely soft spot in my heart for this song. i don't exactly know why, but it makes me incredibly sappy. and this would be one of the few moments when i enjoy feeling sappiness.
• i just ate carrot cake for breakfast - love carrot cake.
• i had an incredible surge of rap song writing mojo. so, i starting jotting stuff down. the flow is good and it's turning out really rap-tastic. i will post it when done.
  
• dunkin donuts messed up my order and gave me and extra large coffee and i only paid for a large.
• there was hardly any traffic on the roads this morning. well. other than all the school buses in norristown that slowed down my drive in.
  

------------------- bad ------------------

• i had to celebrate a birthday which involved being 100% fake. for those of you that really know me, it's really hard for me to fake emotions such as happiness. when i show emotions, they have to be for real and from the heart. otherwise, i show nothing at all... seriously, nothing.
• i share a liking for the very same cake that the person for which we celebrated their birthday likes... carrot cake. we like it so much that we sometimes say it's our "favorite". i loath sharing favorites with people i don't like.
• i feel nauseous after eating that cake. i think it was too much sugar, too early in the day.
• it's tuesday - i hate tuesdays more than mondays.
• my office spouse/cube mate is out sick today. so i'm lonely.
  
• i have little work to do today - again. i'm getting to be very bored.
  

ok. i'm going to get back to my rap song.

.................jfk......................

good morning?

it's monday morning. a particularly chilly one at that. remember my last post - about the cold temperatures in my office? here is a picture of one of our temperature reading devices. don't mind the fact that the time says 11:36. we don't use this little guy for the time - just for the ridiculous temp readouts....


64º - seriously?!?!

yeah so, is it really a good morning or what?

...............jfk.....................

preserving our good looks?

the refrigerator is a great thing. whoever engineered/invented/created it was a wondrous being. its cold environment does wonders to help keep, almost preserve, our food products from spoiling as quickly had they not been in it.

what do you think the average temperature is inside a refrigerator? whatever it is, is kind of chilly. actually, whirlpool says it should be somewhere around 37º (give or take 15º). like i said. whatever.

my office feels like a refrigerator. this morning, among many others, it was 66º here at work. i don't find that acceptable. do you? well, to be fair, there are a couple of devices here that read temperatures. they all vary within a few degrees of the next. so, one might say 66º, another might say 68º and the last one might say 70º. but still. taking the best/warmest of those three (70º) is still fairly cool, is it not? i don't know too many people that keep their homes at 70º during the warm seasons - its expensive to do that!

most of my fellow coworkers and myself have to dress in layers even though it is 85-90º outside. we show up dressed like it is winter time - minus a winter coat. we do this to keep warm while we are working. one poor chilly-willy lady i work with actually wears gloves! yes! the kind with the fingers cut away, that way she can still type and what-not. then, at the end of the day, when we jump in to our cars to go home, we have to peel away our layers so we do not sweat our bums away and pass out from being to warm.

it's just not right. what are they trying to do? keep us from spoiling, because that is exactly how we feel... like we are in a huge refrigerator. the only possible benefit we experience in this situation might be that the natural aging process we endure over time might be slowed down, thus preserving our good looks. whatever.

now for a few pictures of how we all feel most mornings during the spring and summer months.


i don't quite have the expression right, do i? i look scared....



...closer... but i still look scared. might be the closest you're gonna get though.



last one seems to be the most accurate.


................jfk................

tick tock tick tock

time goes by really slow when you have nothing to fill it with. it's sad, but that is how it can be sometimes. "it" being work in this instance. around here, it is either insanely busy or the exact opposite... no middle ground really. well. sometimes there is a middle ground. it's just not often that we experience it. anyways...

some things on my mind right now:

1. people seem to like my blog. just a small handful of friends, but that's all i need. i even have my first official follower! thanks linz ;-) i felt so special when i found out that little tid-bit.

2. i was breaking the news of my newly created blog to my friend shana while we were working out at the gym, on our least favorite machine, and although we call it an "elliptical" it is not actually that. there is another name for it that i cannot recall. my husband calls them gazelles. funny. so yeah. shana asked, "will you be posting rap songs?" you see, i am in the habit of writing some pretty rap-tastic rap songs, and my fans always want more - by "fans" i mean shana mostly. my response to her eager question was, "no." this just isn't the proper forum for me to post my raps. this whole blog thing is sort of a spur of the moment, fly by the seat of my pants type of posting situation, and my rap songs take more dedicated time to write... but then i started to rethink my answer... what if, one day i spit out a quickie rap song while at work during my down time? just exactly why couldn't i post it here. so sure, i will post my raps. why not, right? people will enjoy it.

3. i really hold a lot of disdain for this lady (j.b.) at work. she is a two-faced, lying troll of a tattle tail.

just some thoughts. now. if 5 o'clock could just get here faster...

.....................jfk......................

day 2 vol. 3

i debated with myself whether i should post again today. there needs to be a limit. you see, today there is lots of down time. lots. like boat loads. and technically i would/should be posting all doggone day. but that is not realistic. but i wanted to get this one thing off my mind... so, for my last post i would like to briefly discuss a phenomenon that happens at many work places. i will call it the, "look-busy-even-though-you-aren't-and-your-boss-knows-it" phenomenon.

------the phenomenon-------------------
here, and i'm sure many other job places, my boss knows what i have to work on in a day/week/whatever. he dishes out the workload to us employees and we get it done. so why wouldn't he know what we are doing? and throughout the day he peruses the office to see how things/projects are coming along. sometimes we get our work done and there is nothing left to do for the time being - sometimes even for the rest of the day. and the boss man knows it. so now what do we do? nothing? something? here's a good idea - we could see if anyone else needs help. yep, that's a good idea!

**remember, i'm full of good ideas ;-) **

(patting ourselves on the back and dusting our hands off) that was productive, not to mention kind to help a coworker. so again, we find ourselves asking the same question, "now what?" this time there really is nothing to do. a little bit of anxiety might set in and thoughts of, "what if my boss catches me... doing nothing?" be it as it may we find things - unrelated to work - to pass the time. and if you are anything like me and my cube mate, lori, you might check out your favorite online news site (acceptable at work), maybe check your email (1000 times a day might be frowned upon), sneak a little facebook session (definitely a no-no at work) or just plain ol' surf the web (borderline a no-no). i'm a big fan of googling things.... anything really.... anyway. the next thing we know, our boss walks around the corner and looks in our direction, and we panic!

"oh shoot. what do i do? this isn't work related. i might get in trouble! quick! close all browser windows - open up work email - perhaps even a project folder or working document. yeah. good one"

all for the hopes that we "look busy". who are we kidding!? no one really, since our boss basically knows what our workload looks like - in most cases anyway. if your boss is one that is detached from you and your workload then good for you... i think... but that is a whole different topic. why is it that we feel compelled to "look busy" when we aren't, especially if we are in the group who's bosses know we have nothing to do? seriously. why? what else are we supposed to do when there is nothing left to do for the day?

(chuckle) i know one thing my boss would suggest - cleaning things. desks. rooms. cabinets. what-have-you. i'm sorry. if i didn't make the mess, i don't clean the mess. willingly that is. that's just me. unless someone were to ask me nicely. then i might.
-----------------------------------------------

and there you have it. so, what do you do to pass the time when you are not busy? i did something different yesterday - started this blog.

good day to you!

..............jfk..............

day 2 vol. 2

finagled a neat-o header image.

this blog design stuff is for the birds... or for those that enjoy designing - no. personalizing - these prefabricated blog templates. i give you props. i would rather start my own stuff from scratch.

........jfk................

day 2 vol. 1

today is day 2 of my blogging. ample down time will be had today. for a couple reasons:

1. the boss man is out for the morning. he is at our client's office meeting with people, schmoozing with people and what-not.

2. all of the work i have is currently in limbo. that means i've done my part and completed all that i can, passed it over to the powers that be (the client) and am now waiting for feedback/revisions

now. i would like to take moment to mention that i am deeply irritated that i cannot figure out how to add additional images with titles in my blog's side bar area. i consider myself intelligent enough to figure this stuff out - but alas - this task evades me. (humph) therefor, i will let it go. or not. i am still contemplating why there isn't an easy way. i don't want to bother with the html editing. i just want the easy option... this blog thing is supposed to be fun and easy. if i wanted to tinker around and figure stuff out i wouldn't have elected to do it on my down time at work.

ok. moment finished. i will be back later with more unimportant rambling.

..........jfk............

yowsers!

today is day 1 of my new way to spend down time at work - blogging! i know what you are thinking. "great idea... if you are looking to get in trouble. even fired." i'm full of great ideas - go me! if you need help coming up with a good idea, i am available for consultations. i wont even charge you.

so, a few things i have decided will happen while taking on this new endeavor:

1. i will post something - anything - when i have down time, that is not my lunch hour, at work. even if it is short and/or of little to no importance

2. only make posts while at work. otherwise it will defeat the purpose of starting this blog. maybe on rare occasions i will allow myself to post between the hours of 5pm–9am if i happen to be absurdly bored at home. extreme cases of boredom only.

**quick side note. i keep wanting to spell the word "bored" as "board" my fingers will not cooperate with my brain. often the cause i a few of my terrible spelling errors. even though i know the proper spelling, i can't get it right. another popular mix up for me is "mail" and "male"**

3. for s's and g's - i will not use any uppercase letters. for no reason other wanting to be a turd-burglar. that's right. a turd-burglar. paint your own picture, as i am sure you will.

ok - wrapping it up with a couple pictures. if you didn't already know, it's fun to take pictures when you are bored. that is one of the things that my cube mate and i do, among others, when we are bored.


this is lori, my cube mate/ office spouse, and myself.
this picture is an oldie - but as you can see, surely a goody



this is today's picture of boredom. lori is really good at the "crazy" look.

..........jfk.........